Author’s Viewpoint

viewpoint-pageThe numbers are uncertain to me, but I believe many young-adult children in this country do make poor decisions based on lost or evasive relationships with their parent(s) or guardians that can lure them to destitute and/or destructive lifestyles.  I see them on streets in both my urban and suburban travels across the country.

I ache to think how many fall into the traps of wanting to leave home then become drifters because of failing parental expectations or standards that were unrealistic.  How many did not meet parental approval of some kind?  How many are there out there living their lives feeling unloved or unwanted?

The media, through talk shows and programs today, has certainly revealed a number of male celebrities struggling with issues in their adult life perhaps based on unresolved relationships with their fathers.  It is my thinking that a lot of “baby boomers” grapple with or have fantasized for the lost life of the  TV character, June Cleaver.  She, although confined in many roles compared to the life of women today, appeared to have control over and respect from her children, as well as her husband–all  of which was under one roof where they had breakfast in the morning and supper together each night.  I feel that these two issues, the reality of dysfunctional parenting and the longing for a fantasy, correlate with one another and further discussion is needed.

Not to imply in my writing that more boys have relationship problems with their fathers than girls or more girls do with their mothers. I’m not qualified to give any justification to either point.  It is certainly not about either gender at all.  What I do know is all grown children need to be loved, but not enabled.  I wish those lost could all feel they have a home to come home to when they need help and that they’re loved, no matter what the circumstances.  Okay, I’m not talking about the serial killer here……

This is a fictitious story about Gigi and Tony, parents who are divided over their parenting roles and how their marriage strained from the ways they chose to respond to a family crisis.

Parents who believe their jobs are done when their young-adult children turn eighteen or twenty-one can relate to the character,  Tony.  I, personally, don’t believe there is a timeline for parenting to end.  Just when you think you have succeeded in the role, they inevitably move the finish line anyway, don’t they?  I believe if you are a parent, you will parent to some degree to the day you die.

While writing this book, the potential answers to successful parenting scorched my brain and pierced my heart as I surmised and feared how many parents there may be out there confronting challenging situations with their young-adult children.  These problems can tear families apart.  How many marriages fail because they lack good communication tools in dealing with a crisis?  Can parents continue to love their children no matter what?  What does it take to do that?

Not a therapist in the common acceptation of the word, but through listening, learning,  observing, and appreciating the lives and struggles of others, as well as my own, I have come to the point where I need to share–from one parent to another–what may happen in life when one learns to give up control, believe in a higher power, to argue fairly, and to continue loving a grown child no matter what the crisis may be.

My only goal in writing this story is to help other parents who may be in a parenting or marital dilemma.